10 Warning Signs For Emotional Infidelity

Infidelity is a betrayal of the commitment you have made to your relationship.  It does not matter if the commitment has been formalized with a marriage license or not.  It is a betrayal of the trust that two people have built in their relationship. Emotional infidelity is a slippery slope and it’s easy to convince yourself there’s nothing going on between you and the other person.  However, there are warning signs and if you decide to heed these signs you can avoid a lot of emotional pain for yourself, the “other” and your partner. 

  1. You find you are dressing for him.  Today is Tuesday and that’s when you will meet and you’re wearing that special outfit just for him. You find looking “good” for him is a priority.
  2. You find you laugh more with him.  You feel you “always” have more fun with him than with your partner.  You like being with him, in fact you prefer it.
  3. You find yourself thinking all the time about him.  Your daydreams include this person almost to the exclusion of your partner.  You muse about what would it be like to be with him all the time?
  4. You find yourself comparing him to your partner.  Comparing is a judgment and judgments leave us feeling either really good or really bad.  You think of him and you really feel good and then you think of your partner and you feel bad in some way.
  5. You find yourself anticipating your next encounter.  You are checking your email, phone or Facebook hoping he has contacted you.  You feel excited and you are hoping he has contacted you.
  6. You find yourself feeling understood by him unlike with your partner.  A really big red flag is when your thoughts wander towards “he really gets me.  He knows exactly how I feel.”  Then you think of your partner and how he “doesn’t get you and he’s a loser when it comes to your feelings.”
  7. You find yourself saying to others “we are just friends”.  A big sign that you are more than friends is when others bring it to your attention what they are seeing.  Don’t ignore what others are saying.  If you are defending your relationship with him with your friends, that’s an issue to look at.
  8. You find yourself feeling uncomfortable when your partner says something about him.  Many times these relationships are made at work and the partner does know about the “other” because of project work together.  Pay attention if you feel uncomfortable when your partner (spouse) comments about your work partner.  It’s important to explore your own conscious and be truthful to yourself about the relationship.
  9. You find yourself telling him things about yourself that you haven’t told your partner.  As a relationship develops so goes the depth of the feelings. One way to go deeper in a relationship is to tell things about yourself that you have not even told your partner.  It’s important to ask yourself, why haven’t I told my partner this?  .
  10. You find yourself telling “little white lies” to your partner.  They are “little white lies” because there’s nothing going on and you don’t want to upset your partner needlessly.  Search your conscious and be honest with yourself about your motives.  If there’s nothing going on, then telling your partner should not be a problem.


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